In the
Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful
HOW I CAME TO ISLAM -
Sister S.B (UK)
In the Name of ALLAAH,
the Most Merciful, the Most Kind
My father was very much
inclined towards Christianity. When I was a child he would tell me stories from
the Bible about prophets like Abraham, Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them). As
a result I grew to love them and also had a great admiration for my father.
As I began to mature I
felt growing unrest in my heart. Something was missing in my life but I didn`t
know what it was. I wanted to return to my childhood state when I was innocent,
but as each day went by my situation worsened. My character was in need of
reform, but I didn`t know how to go about it.
I looked at my community
and society at large and felt alienated from them. At weddings and other social
occasions I`d sit, looking at everyone around me, wondering what on earth I was
doing there. Surely there had to be more to life than this. When I told my
mother about how I felt, she asked, "Well where do you belong
then? You have to fit in with other people and be like them if you want to get
on in life." Her advice did nothing for me. I knew this life was
not for me, but what alternative did I have? It seemed there was no hope. I
sank deeper and deeper into depression, often feeling suicidal.
It was then that events
occurred leading to the most terrifying experience of my life. In the middle of
the night I would wake up and walk around in a half conscious state, thinking
it was daylight. I could see what I was doing and what I was saying, but I was
unable to either stop myself or understand why this was happening. I felt as if
I was on the verge of insanity, finally beginning to crack up. During the day,
I was normal, and so to the rest of my family it was a joke. However my mother
insisted on taking me to see the doctor. Her reaction was the same. She laughed
and told me I was sleep walking, maybe I should have a hot drink before I went
to bed. No one realised how afraid I was, feeling anxious everytime darkness
began to fall.
A couple of days later,
whilst I was asleep I saw the face of this being, not entirely human. Its skin
had a greenish-black tinge and it had something on it`s head. It`s face was
turned away from me, to the side. Then it looked straight into my eyes, with
eyes amber in colour. I jumped up in fear, and seeing this it threw its head
back and laughed at me, an evil laugh. All I could hear were voices; screaming,
laughing and something being chanted in a rhythmic tone, which I was unable to
understand.
I leapt out of bed and
switched the light on. This was no nightmare. I was fully awake, but the voices
were still there. I began to scream, covering my ears, frantically running
around the room in an attempt to drown out the voices that were hounding me and
to try and wake the rest of my family. But they just didn`t seem to hear. I was
crying out loudly, weeping profusely but still the voices would not subside. I
felt such fear, the like of which I could never have conceived before. No one
could help me. I was all alone and powerless to do anything.
In desperation I got down
on the floor, covering my face and ears with my arms, between my sobs, I began
to pray; "O God! Please help me! I`m sorry for all the things I`ve done
wrong. I`ll do whatever you tell me, whatever road you want me to take, I`ll
take it, but you have to help me. I don`t know what you want me to do." I
kept pleading in this way, repeating myself again and again.
Then all of a sudden
everything stopped. The voices had gone and I sensed the atmosphere had
changed, but I was too afraid to look around the room, and still kept crying.
After some time I managed to find the courage to uncover my face. Everything
was peaceful, serene. God had saved me.
It`s difficult to convey
to others exactly what happened and how I felt. A person can only comprehend
something like this if they have been through a similar experience. After a
while I forgot how afraid I had been when this incident took place. But I was
now convinced of God`s existence.
Some time later, during
the month of Ramadan, I was sat at home in front of the television, flicking
from channel to channel. I accidently switched to an Arabic channel where there
was a live transmission from the Ka'bah in Makkah at prayer time. The image
moved me; people bending down, prostrating, standing side by side, from
different parts of the world wearing the same clothes worshipping the same God,
the One True God. Everything seemed so clear now. It was almost like looking
into a mirror. I saw my true self.
I went to the library and
picked up a translation of the Qur`an. I didn`t know quite what I was going to
find, but what I read left me in wonder and exceeded all my expectations. I
began to read about Jesus ('alayhis-salaam) and his mother Mary. Prior
to this I had never thought of Jesus as being a prophet of Islam, in fact I was
under the impression that Muslims disliked him. Then I turned to some verses
about the prophets Lot and Solomon ('alayhis-salaam). God spoke of them
as being noble prophets, unlike in the Bible. Even before this I could never
understand how these people could commit such crimes as they were accused of in
the Old Testament when they were the ones sent as examples for us.
This was my first
encounter with the Qur`an. I had feelings not only of joy and amazement, but
also of relief. I didn`t know a book like this actually existed, it seemed
almost too good to be true!
I really believe that in
the life of each and every person Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'ala) makes
Himself manifest to them in some way or another. In their heart everyone knows
the reality of His existence, even though externally they may try to cover up
the truth.
Looking back at my life
when I started to think about religion, it never occurred to me to even
consider Islam. Maybe this was due to the inward fear I had of Islam, or
Islamaphobia as it is called. Whenever I saw a man with a beard and Islamic
dress, a woman in hijaab, I felt threatened. The words fundamentalism, violence
and terrorism sprang to mind. I let the media do my thinking for me instead of
considering the facts for myself.
I used to think of
religion as something that was not supposed to make sense, you shouldn`t think
too deeply about it or ask too many questions, but just believe. In fact I was
afraid that by getting an education and going on to university I`d end up
becoming an atheist! But with Islam, the more I look into it the more I realise
how beautiful this deen is. The laws are just and unparalleled. It is the
Truth, the universal message, and the greatest blessing Allah (subhaanahu wa
ta'ala) has bestowed upon Mankind. Alhamdulillah that I person like me has
recognised it as such.
Sister S.B., UK.
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